Need insightful answer, warning it is long:)?

Hi everyone, My story is this. I have been in a relationship for 9 years, We met when we were both going through a divorce after a long marriage. He did all the pursuing and I eventually responded. It took him 3 months to get me to go out with him. We moved in together after 6 months of dating. After we started living together he brought up marriage and at that time I wasn't ready to even think about marriage. I told him my reasons and he seemed to understand. For 5 years we had a wonderful life together. My son was shot and even though my son recovered I did not. I went through a period of grief and then my ex-husband died of a heart attack and while I was no longer in love with my ex I still grieved and became depressed. I put on weight and lost interest in the things my BF and I used to do together. It took me a year to get my bearings and come out of the depression. I went back to school and I am getting my degree I only have a couple of semesters to go before I graduate. I am carrying a 4.0 gpa and as a consequence I devoted most of my time to academic studies. My BF just recently told me he was no longer in love with me and that he thinks we should break up, that we haven't been close for 2 years and that he thinks we are no longer compatible. At first I wanted to react and ask him what the hell he was talking about, but fortunately I kept my mouth shut and just listened. I told him I understood and that I was no longer in love with him either and that I agree with the breakup, when I told him this he jerked and his voice got shakey as if what I said hurt him. I was amazed at the sense of relief I felt. I even wrote him a hand written letter telling him how much I understood where he was coming from. I told him how looking back I can see the times I must have let him down and disappointed him. Well, now he is going out of his way to be nice to me and do things that he knows will please me. My confusion is that I just don't understand him. If he is no longer in love with me, which I could totally understand, because there for a while I didn't love myself, why is he now being so nice? And why did he appear hurt when I said I was no longer in love with him? To be honest with him being nice to me I am again starting to see the man I fell in love with in the first place. I just don't want to read the signals wrong and open myself up to being hurt. I don't know if I should just go and cut my losses or give us a second chance, I don't even know if he wants a second chance. I don't want to ask him if he does if I am not sure that I want to stay with him or if I want to be single and devote my time to my career. I am very confused. My friends tell me to just let it be and let him make the overtures and keep my focus on my academic achievement. But I find myself going and doing more things with my BF because I enjoy the time we spend together. If you read this thank you for taking the time, I am just trying to get my thoughts together and stop feeling so confused. If you have any comments on this it is greatly appreciated. I think I am too close to the situation to look at it clearly.